Sex and Love in the e-Generation

19-year-old "Ling" is a university student in Taipei. For summer vacation this year, she did not go back home to Pingtung to help her family with the mango harvest, nor did she join a group of friends who went traveling abroad. Instead, she chose to spend her vacation in her student digs not far from campus. All summer long, when she wasn't working she was surfing the Internet and going out to see people she had met online, experiencing, in her words, a very important "sex Odyssey." Ling reports that she met this past summer with at least 30 Internet acquaintances and had sex "with a dozen or so."

She laughs: "I wonder if my 'bedding average' is maybe a bit high? Ha ha!" In the Internet novel The First Intimate Contact, author Slicker Tsai described a trick that was once a standard ploy among the Internet dating crowd: a person heading off to meet for the first time with an online acquaintance would have a friend call at some point fairly early on in the meeting. If the person they were meeting turned out to be unattractive, the call would provide the needed excuse to cut the meeting short. But that trick is now a thing of the past; nowadays people will tell you straight out if they don't like you. Ling once met an Internet acquaintance who took off without even finishing his coffee. His complaint? She was "too pretty."

"I didn't mind a bit. In fact, I was a bit pleased, because in a way he was actually paying me a compliment." Ling doesn't feel that meeting Internet acquaintances is risky, because you can get a feel for their personality first by chatting on line. You can name when and where you meet, and you've got a record of the person's mobile phone number and IP address. And when you're in the risky part of your menstrual cycle you can show up prepared with a condom. In her opinion, it's actually safer than meeting people in bars or out and about. Besides, Ling is more concerned with the emotional give-and-take than with a person's appearance. Because you can get a feel online for a person's level of education and character, she feels this is the best way for her to meet people.

"I really don't worry much about disease. I'm more concerned about getting pregnant. One time my period was late in coming so I had to go to the hospital for a shot. That hurt! So I've been more careful since then." Ling says she enjoys sex a lot, but she is careful to maintain a "good girl image" with family and friends. Only with her online friends can she reveal her true thoughts and feelings, and the sharp contrast between her online and offline personae weighs heavily on her. "It's like I'm a good girl who's sneaking around doing something bad." Ling says she doesn't understand why something as beautiful as sex should be considered so scandalous by society.

Love and sexual self-awareness are closely linked, but survey results indicate that love and sex are becoming increasingly independent of one another. How will this affect the next generation of young people?

Two takes on the issue

The rise of the Internet has made it a lot easier for people to share their experiences and leap the barriers one faces in everyday life. Time and again, the online adventures of the e-generation put a new spin on issues that have long been with us. Take, for example, the overweight girl who has recently been arrested on more than one occasion after using the Internet to offer sexual companionship. Her case drew intense media interest as she looked into the camera and declared indignantly: "I have sexual needs too! For someone who looks like me, the Internet is the only way to find somebody."

The plump girl's case highlights the fact that the matchmaking power of the Internet provides an important outlet for all sorts of people, but sexual liberation has generated conflict in the spheres of morality and the law.

Ling's lament concerning the scandal of sex doesn't capture the full complexity of the picture, for sex is tangled up with moral, legal, and health issues, not to mention values. When private issues become a matter of public discourse, it is usually because the "issues" have already become "problems." Most news stories involving youth and sex cast such issues in a decidedly negative light: observers question whether police should "go fishing" to arrest girls who take cash for sex; some debate over whether minors should have the right to decide for themselves on abortion; how to regulate the abortion pill RU-486; how to get morning-after contraceptives; secret videotaping of sex orgies. . . . All these matters touch upon a complex web of issues.

According to Chuang Hui-chiu, former chief editor of Living Psychology magazine and current director of planning at PsyGarden Publishing Company, the upsurge of news stories related to youth and sex cannot be attributed solely to the Internet. In addition, says Chuang, the process of globalization has ushered in new attitudes toward the body, and the advent of cable television has triggered an information explosion. Children growing up today are on the front lines of a conflict between old and new ways of thinking, which is why they have featured so prominently in issues related to sex.

Intimacy among Taiwanese Students Aged 15-19
1983, 1995 and 2000

Youth in a changing society

The first thing we should ask ourselves is: Do these news-grabbing issues really show that young people in Taiwan today are more open toward sex?

The Department of Health's Center for Population and Health Survey Research conducts an annual poll of the attitudes of youth toward sex, and the results do indeed show that 15- to 19-year-olds have become more open in their sexual behavior and attitudes in recent years (see chart).

In 1983, 1995, and 2000, the percentage of boys who reported having sexual experience was 5.9%, 10.4%, and 13.9%, respectively. For girls, the figures were 1.0%, 6.7%, and 10.4%. When asked whether they had ever kissed, 18.2%, 26.8%, and 36.0% of boys answered in the affirmative, while 9.7%, 27.0%, and 37.5% of girls answered likewise.

Of the girls in 2000 who indicated having had sexual experience, 10.6% said they had gotten pregnant, well down from the 15% figure from five years before but still quite high. Almost all chose to have an abortion.

Poll results also show that families continue to do a poor job of teaching their children about sex, as most youth have almost zero communication with their parents on the matter. In both 1995 and 2000 some 90% of youth indicated that they had seen sexually explicit photographs or movies. Sexually explicit websites had become a major draw for youth by 2000. The percentage of youths with no objection to premarital sex rose sharply (to 43% among boys and 25% among girls), while over 60% indicated that they took no contraceptive measures during their first sexual encounter, mainly because "they hadn't been planning for it and weren't prepared." Some 40-50% of youth indicated that they had met with Internet acquaintances of the opposite sex.

On college campuses, young men and women seek love. Sexual standards in the e-generation are liberal, but attitudes toward safe sex leave much to be desired.

Conflicting sexual attitudes

The concepts and attitudes of youth toward sex are quickly becoming more liberal. According to Lin Hui-sheng, director of the Center for Population and Health Survey Research, this trend is due mainly to increasingly liberal attitudes in society at large and easy access to information. But because of the changes that society is undergoing, not all sexual concepts are changing at the same rate, and this is giving rise to contradictions.

Says Lin: "Contradictions stick out like a sore thumb when it comes to ideas about the importance of virginity." Even though 30-40% of youth favor premarital sex, half of both boys and girls still say it matters to them whether the person they marry is a virgin. The feeling is especially strong among boys.

According to Chuang: "There is a sharp liberal/conservative split in the adult world, and children have instant access to a lot of conflicting information. The news is chock full of judgmental phrases ("unbelievable. . .," "has become a problem for society. . .," etc.), while TV dramas and movies churn up yearnings by cranking out reams of romantic love stories. These conflicting values lead peers to adopt sharply diverging ideas about sex, and they also make for big discrepancies between the behavior and ideals of a single individual."

To illustrate the point, she mentions the two Hsu sisters, pop singers of ASOS fame. A racy gossip magazine reported this past January that the two had been at a wild sex party where people were taking Ecstasy. The magazine's reporting was based on the underlying premise that "sex is scandalous," and the Hsu sisters' agent put on a vigorous "damage control" campaign and assured the public that the sisters never took Ecstasy or had sex. The two sides engaged in a furious round of accusations and denials, but one thing they did agree on was that sex is a dirty word. It was all oddly out of character for a couple of girls whose stock-in-trade was their image of being rebellious and outlandish.

Chuang laments: "These ASOS stars are adults, but their sex lives are held to the strictest of moral standards. For parents worried about their children, and for young ASOS fans, skewed values are a source of great anxiety. This is what lies at the heart of all the concern about youth and sex." On the one hand, says Chuang, the Internet provides today's youth with a whole new outlet for their sexual desires, but on the other hand, the traditional media spew a mix of clashing messages. Young people grow up in the midst of this cacophony.

Proportion of Taiwanese Students Aged 15-19 Claiming Never to Have Discussed the Above Gender Relations Topics with Parents, 1995 and 2000

New sorrows for "Young Werther"

Adult anxiety over young people and sex shows up most clearly in media reporting.

A June editorial in the mainstream China Times, for example, had harsh criticism for polls on sexual behavior. The editorial described many such polls as prurient, and argued that all the statistics on "sexual deviancy" might be taken seriously by young people and have an effect on their behavior.

Says Lin Yi-min, secretary general of the Career Foundation: "People still look at things like safe sex, mature reflection on relations with the opposite sex, and not creating a burden for society as the key to 'whether it's okay' to have sex." When young people still struggling to get a grip on the issue of sex run into problems, people immediately question whether they're "ready for sex," and worried adults almost always conclude in the negative.

In Lin's view, adult anxieties are no help at all to youth. On the contrary, all they do is exacerbate young people's rebelliousness and anxiety.

Director Lin of the Center for Population and Health Survey Research adds that mistrust toward adults makes it more difficult to poll youth about their sexual attitudes. Questionnaires have to be designed so that only a check mark is required next to the appropriate answer. Every informant has to be issued the same kind of ballpoint pen. And as soon as the questionnaires are collected they have to be shuffled in full view of the informants so the latter can be sure that no questionnaire can be traced to a particular individual.

When Sinorama magazine was preparing for this article, in fact, we teamed up with ET Today to carry out a big survey on sexual attitudes, and some complained that we "just wanted to pry into others' secrets," while others said it was "a conspiracy."

Taiwan society is currently experiencing a struggle between old and new sexual values. Liberals and conservatives alike are deeply concerned.

Touchy subject

Liu Yi-hsien, executive director of the Taipei Association for the Promotion of Women's Rights (TAPWR), reports that after her involvement with the Young Girls' Hotline she came away with a new appreciation for the deep sexual anxieties of youth.

Says Liu: "Regardless whether it is serious issues, such as abortion, or just questions about things like masturbation or contraception, the last people in the world most young people want to talk with are their parents or teachers. Instead they talk with classmates or rummage around online for whatever they can find. And if they're at their wits' end they might just call the hotline." Although the hotline was set up for girls, 37.4% of the callers have been boys wanting to talk mostly about contraception, problems with their sex life, guilt over masturbation, and the like.

Liu reports that a high proportion of the young people calling in to the hotline are quite misinformed about sex, with their knowledge limited to bits and pieces of hearsay. Says Liu: "Sex education in the schools seldom goes past a description of the sexual organs while stopping far short of telling students what they need to know about the sex act itself." Although TAPWR is authorized by the Taipei City government to provide guidance, some schools still refuse to let them come and teach courses or pass out flyers. Lacking in sexual knowledge and mistrusting of adults, youth are like caged young animals. They have to figure out a solution on their own. The most worrisome problems of all are pregnancy and AIDS. A survey by the Department of Health has shown that over half of young people are seriously underinformed about sex.

Following the Internet and the information explosion, where are love relationships headed in the 21st century? Is it possible to return to old ideals of "true love?"

After the milk is spilt

Hua Hsiao-ling, a gynecologist at National Taiwan University Hospital, indicates that after the standard workweek in Taiwan was reduced to five days, the pattern of abortions changed. Whereas before they surged every year in September, under-20 girls now file in asking for emergency contraceptives on Mondays and Tuesdays following holidays, Valentine's Day, and other such special occasions. The availability of morning-after contraceptives with fewer and fewer side effects makes many young people feel they have nothing to fear, but the fact that these medicines only deal with pregnancy, not disease, has Hua concerned.

The abortion experience of a young woman named Wen, currently in her third year of nighttime vocational classes in Taipei, provides a cautionary tale.

"I was in second year at the time, and had been with my boyfriend for a year. We never did anything to avoid pregnancy, and when my period didn't come I just thought I was late. But after three months I finally went to a pharmacy and bought a pregnancy kit." Wen knew that her mother and aunt had previously had abortions, so guilt wasn't a big factor, and money was no problem because she had a day job. But the operation itself was so unpleasant that she has had frequent nightmares ever since.

"My boyfriend asked people online about where I could get an abortion, but the clinic I ended up going to was horribly dingy and drab, and so were the doctors. It was a miserable experience. So I took it out on my boyfriend, and we broke up not long after." Wen feels like she has aged a lot since the abortion.

Perusing a WAP phone manual together, this pair of young lovers are in their own world. In adolescence the beauty of life is just beginning to manifest itself.

Opposing camps

In the West as well as in Taiwan, there have long been two diametrically opposed views on the question of how to teach the younger generation about sex. Conservatives raise the banner of morality and preach abstinence from premarital sex as the best way for young people to stay out of trouble. Liberals argue that the sex drive is a fundamental human desire, and that rather than putting a lid on things, it would be better to provide young people with the knowledge and contraceptive devices they need so that they'll be ready to act maturely when the time comes.

Says Lin Hui-sheng: "No one can make an absolute statement about which approach is the best, so the Department of Health has combined the two." The DOH first tells children that sex is a beautiful thing, then goes on to tell them that one has to wait for the right time and place so that it won't lead to unwanted consequences, and if there comes a time when abstinence is just impossible, then one should use a condom for the protection of both parties.

But she adds that the authorities in Taiwan put top stress on abstinence, because the other approach presents a minefield of practical difficulties. Liberals in the West advocate distributing condoms, for example, but girls in Taiwan are loath to use them for fear the very fact of their preparedness will give the impression that they are "loose," or that they've had previous experience. And given the importance that so many people attach to virginity, Liu says she still prefers to advise kids not to do anything they'll regret later.

"Besides," adds Liu, "people under the age of 18 are still minors. Even adults are subject to the law in their sexual activities and in the matter of abortion, so we still have to tell young people right from wrong."

Lin Yi-min, however, feels like this approach solves nothing. In his view, we have to face the fact that many sex problems have nothing to do with love, and that young people often get into sex out of curiosity or pure instinct. "We should be teaching the two sexes how to respect each other, and how each person can be sure about what he or she wants and doesn't want."

After a girl finds out she's pregnant, says Lin, she generally blames it on the boy, and the boy typically "shows his willingness to take responsibility" by promising to marry the girl, never thinking for a moment about the fact that he is still a minor. "But little does he know the mess he's getting everybody into. He is in no way prepared, either in terms of economic power or emotional maturity, to shoulder the burdens of marriage. Little wonder the divorce rate has gotten so high in Taiwan!" In Lin's opinion, opposite-sex relationships based on equality are the only real solution.

Both beautiful and taboo, sexual love often poses dilemmas.

In a positive light

To be sure, young people are not the only ones involved in sex issues these days. They are simply the medium by which so many of the new issues now arising in our changing society come to our attention. But rather than just fretting about it, can we take a more positive view of the situation somehow?

Chuang Hui-chiu opines: "We're all obsessed by the worry that young people might grow up too fast if they get caught up too early in things too complex, but we overlook the possibility that emotional maturity might just improve one's ability to deal with setbacks."

Professor Ho Chun-jui, director of National Central University's Center for the Study of Sexualities, is the author of Haoshuang Nuren ("Woman in Charge"), a book that even today, many years after its original publication, remains something of a "bible" to those in Taiwan who advocate a more liberal approach to sex. In her book she states that the frequency and variety of sex do not constitute sexual liberation. True liberation, she writes, is the ability to think about, experience, and discuss sexual matters without shame or fear. If we want to see the next generation grow up as well-adjusted, creative, and self-possessed individuals, we have to lead the way by creating an atmosphere in which things can be discussed openly.

19-year-old university student Ling has a bookshelf full of feminist publications.

While not a bit bashful about her zest for sex, Ling still hopes to spend her life with someone that she's completely compatible with, both sexually and emotionally. Her expression lights up as she confides: "It would be so nice if I could tell my parents and friends that the reason I like a certain person is because when he makes love to me, he carries my whole being into a different realm." She adds with a sigh: "That's my little 'I have a dream. . .' speech."

Case study 1: Amy Age 20 College sophomore

(interview by Eric Lin/tr. by Josh Aguiar)

I'm from the south. I hadn't ever had a boyfriend until college. In my freshman year I started going out with a guy from another school, but the relationship was triangular, as he was seeing another girl at the same time. That's why I never got past "third base" with him. It wasn't until I met another guy online that I finally broke up with him.

As far as the new guy goes, I'm not even sure if our relationship qualifies as boyfriend-girlfriend. He works as a photographer at a media company. His work keeps him really busy, so we only see each other about once a month.

The first time we met was really weird. I had only chatted online with him for a couple of minutes when he asked me if I wanted to go sing some karaoke with him. There were a whole bunch of people going. I said ok, but I was thinking to myself: what kind of loony is this, asking a total stranger to go sing karaoke with a group of his own friends. I was pretty surprised when later on he and his friends showed up at my place to pick me up.

The first two times we met up we only made out because I was on my period. On our third date we ended up having sex over at my place because he came on pretty strong, and I wasn't able to prevent it. I didn't bleed, strangely enough, but it hurt plenty-I could feel some pain for about a week afterwards. It wasn't until our fourth time together that I finally experienced an orgasm. Most of the time we do it at home or drive out of town and then do it in the car. We almost never use condoms. I'm worried, of course, but mostly about getting pregnant-I almost never worry about STDs. Last time I donated blood, my test results showed everything to be fine.

My roommate often brings her boyfriend home to spend the night. Nobody minds. I think that in these kinds of relationships what matters is not how much time you spend together, but rather the quality of your time together. As long as you stick to three principles-do it without regret, do it willingly, and avoid mishaps-then there isn't really anything wrong with having sex.

Case study 2: Hsiao-sung

Age 22 Vocational high school graduate Just finished military service

(interview by Eric Lin/tr. by Josh Aguiar)

I've been with ten girls so far, of which

half were just one-night stands. Most of those relationships were before I entered the army because I was involved in a steady relationship during my military service. I've had about ten girlfriends as well, but I never had sex with half of them. I suppose it was because we wanted to be serious about each other, so we were a little more reserved.

Most of the one-night stands I had were girls that I picked up at bars. It's easy to meet people in those kinds of places. One time was a little more unusual. My buddies and I were hanging out at the night market when we saw a girl who was pretty cute. Then my friends prodded me to go ask for her number. It turned out that we only got together once to have sex over at her place. Her family situation was pretty complicated, so we didn't continue seeing each other.

My first sexual encounter was with my first girlfriend during a summer break in junior high school. We were at my place one afternoon when we just "went all the way." At the time I hadn't even masturbated, so coming was totally unfamiliar. It was only after telling my buddies about the sensation I had experienced-kind of like the tense feeling you have when you're about to pee-that I learned that that was in fact an orgasm.

At the end of my first year of high school I was with a girl for quite a while. Most of the time we made love on the spur of the moment, so we were never in the habit of using a condom. Later on she got pregnant. At the time I felt that we ought to get married and have the child, but she refused outright. She was terrified of having her parents find out about her pregnancy. I found out about an abortion clinic in Tanshui from some friends, so I took her over there. It cost NT$7000, I still remember. Afterward I felt a bit regretful-I really like kids.

People say I'm cool, but I'm not all that experienced. I've got friends who fool around a lot more than I do. I like naive girls, but I don't care whether my future spouse is a virgin or not. And besides, as soon as I'm married I definitely won't have any affairs. I won't be fooling around forever.

Case study 3: A-hsu Age 17 High-school sophomore

(interview by Eric Lin/tr. by Josh Aguiar)

I'm gay. In Taiwan, the only place for gay people to meet, besides gay bars and parks, is online. I'm still too young to go to bars, so starting from my second year in junior high school I began chatting online. I frequently visit gay chat rooms on BBS and on the World Wide Web. Recently some online friends of mine and I created our own online community. We put up pictures and talk about the latest goings on of our favorite stars. And of course we have pictures of our favorite American porn stars. But I especially like Yen Hsing-shu, who used to play basketball for the national team, but is now an actor in a teen-idol show.

My first sexual experience was a disaster. I didn't have anything to do the summer before I started high school, so I spent all day online. I met a bunch of online friends, one of whom was already working. He was something like 25 or 26 years old-I can't remember exactly. He looked a lot like A-hsin from the band May Day, whom I really like a lot. That day we went and had a meal and caught a movie together. Then he took me back to his place.

I was really nervous, especially because he kept cajoling me to have anal sex with him. It really hurt and I even bled a bit. He didn't put on a condom, and after I returned home, the more I thought about it the more it bothered me. The next day I called a gay information hotline. The worker told me that if I was really worried I could go get my blood tested. But AIDS has a period of dormancy, so you have to wait a few months before you can find out whether or not you've been infected. For a year after that time, I lived in secret fear. I have no idea how many times I had my blood tested. I sprinted off to hospitals far and near, and even submitted blood samples through the mail. A lot of times I couldn't get to sleep at night. I would just hide under my blanket and cry. I can't tell my parents about any of this-they don't even know that I'm gay.

Including the first time, up to now I've only made love with three people. The other two people were both my boyfriends. They were also high school students-I don't want to get involved with older men anymore. Wait! I want to warn everybody-you MUST, I repeat, MUST use a condom. That even goes for oral sex.